She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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