4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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