we made out on top of his cat.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize