Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
