ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
