so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
