In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
