I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
