Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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