All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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