Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
