He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
