He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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