I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
