is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
