I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
