If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
