i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
