My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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