the day after is always just damage control
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
