Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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