Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I party with great urgency now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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