I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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