I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Come see our sink grown plant.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
