You made me cry and you don't even care
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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