Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
