we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
