What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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