My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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