Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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