maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
