I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
