at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
