You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
