dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
