Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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