The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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