You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
