dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
