where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
