I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
