there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
