Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
