you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
