my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
then he tried to convert me to islam
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
