She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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