I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
