On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
