so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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