You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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