haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
