There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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