yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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