Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
