You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
