It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
