you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
