after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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