We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
