This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
