Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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