Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's never too late to be topless.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
