your room smells of hookers.
And success
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
