I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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