Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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