Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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