I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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