i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
