woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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