Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
