Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
