Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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