Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
