shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
