I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
