i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
