you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
