he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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